Train wreck

If you could only read my mind and see past my frivolous and jovial exterior. If you could only see what lies beneath my invincible mask. If you could only read my every thought, hear my every cry, and see the way I struggle insanely in this fight to survive.

The pressure is building, piling up incessantly, crushing me more and more... I can feel myself getting weaker and weaker. I am suffocating, drowing in this sea of extreme pressure.

I've found myself again but now I don't know where I am or what I'm doing... I don't know where I'm going or the end that I'm heading for.

I've always looked up to you as my shelter, my solace, my strength, my truth in this world of deception. But now the tables have turned, and all you do is drain me... you're draining me. I gave you my all, my whole self, my heart, my soul. But at the end of the day all this doesn't matter aymore.

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm going crazy because of you.

I cry myself to sleep every night because of you. You're right, you don't deserve my forgiveness. And I don't deserve your love. I should have walked out a long time ago.

When will love take down its blindfold from my eyes??

Excruciating pangs of missing you

I just woke up from an uneasy slumber. Tossing and turning, waking up to excruciating pangs of missing you. I just don't understand why I have to feel this way when my heart is supposed to be taken. I hate this familiar feeling. I want it to go away.

I have to find a way to stop this insanity. Quick, before I fall deeper and lose myself double. As it is I've already lost myself somewhere else. Come back Sarah, come back.

Oh God.

No. No. No.

I will not allow myself to fall for that smile of yours, no. I`m whipping out my heart-guarding tool box and blocking the light out from your ray of sunshine smile.

I really ought to change my sleep patterns. My night has become day, and my day has become night. Those awfully huge eyebags and dark rings are threatening to tint my face forever.. I resolute to take good care of my skin, and health, since I'm turning 21 in 2 days. That means I'm gonna start ageing in 3 years. Oh God. Noooo............ I'm gonna start using anti-aging skin care before it's too late.

I don't wanna grow up and I don't wanna grow old. I want to be a teenager again. I shall embrace the last 30 hours of my adolescence. So I'm gonna do stupid, crazy things and act like a kid what's left of tonight and tomorrow, just because I have the right to, because at this moment, I'm still a teenager.

I shall start my adolescent behaviour now. I'm gonna mess up my wardrobe and throw my clothes all over my room and then jump on my bed til' I get tired and fall asleep amidst the mess. Yay.

It`s called obsession, can you handle it?

My latest obsession: Gilbert O'Sullivan.
Brilliant singer of the '70s who composed famous evergreens such as "Alone Again, Naturally" and "Clair". Both songs are currently on repeat. =)

My hereditary obsession with cleanliness and tidiness (my maternal family is a neat freak), especially of toilets.
You should see my face scrunge up with disgust after each visit to a public toilet. I never ever sit on the seat of a public loo, I always half-squat (hey, girls can aim too).
I pack my room neatly every night without fail. My room is more organised than the neighbourhood library.
I bathe just before I go to bed so that I feel all fresh and cleeean on my bed. Dirtying the bed (i.e. lying down in dirt and sweat) is a big nono.

My most sinful obsession: ICE CREAM.
Favourite flavours: orange, chocolate, lychee martini and APPLE PIE.
I eat ice cream almost everyday. Yes, that explains the expanding waistline and shrinking clothes. But those are besides the point.

I am obsessed with my obsessions.

Cut the crap

Don`t stereotype me as a party animal. Photos of me in the club do not determine that I LIVE in a disco. I do not get drunk every night and I proudly dare say that I have never puked from alcohol intoxication. I bet you`ve stuck your head in a toilet bowl at 5am more than once.

Don`t mistake me for a cheap slut. Being decked out in a bunny suit for HALLOWEEN has got absolutely nothing to do with being a wannabe-PLAYBOY-BUNNY. Oh, if I could only have that kind of body worthy of the "coveted" title. Why, thank you very much, I am so flattered by your risque comments.

Do not label me as a spoilt rich brat. My branded goods have got nothing to do with you. My parents work hard for their money. Besides, streetwise people (unlike yourselves) will readily acknowledge the fact that beneath the glitz and glamour of every wild child lies an undesirable share of problems. So grow up, stop judging people by the number of branded items they own. And if you cannot contain your jealousy for the more fortunate kids who are better off than you, count your blesings and thank God that you stil have rice to eat everyday despite your constant murmuring (which I am sure is ringing at His merciful ears). And just for the record, I eat at hawker centres most of the time, am jaded of restaurant fare and shop for my clothes at Bugis Street. Blame it on my ability to make something dirt cheap look darn expensivvve.

I don`t dabble with any sort of politics that arise anywhere (office or social circles, whatsoever) and I detest superficial, 2-faced, insincere people who smile in your face and stab you in the back. If you don`t adore me I can understand, just tell me straight. I like transparency.

=)

Enough of rantings already, I`m not one to bear grudges or stay angry for long, unless you`re talking about this particular anal female creature... Right, there we go again. `Nuff said.